So Much To Say

My Top 3

I have to come to terms with this feeling of inadequacy.

I read over my post where I attempted to clarify my stance dating and all that for the umpteenth time. It so reflects what I was feeling right then: like cutting down anyone who would dare to misunderstand me. Some parts are as harsh as a slap in the face and, honestly, I’m repulsed by it. All I can say is, “I’m sorry.” That’s not what my heart is and I wish I could show what it truly is. But I fail.

It might seem from what I wrote that my heart was in the right place. I said that I wasn’t trying to be self-righteous. But at the same time, I came across as the very opposite.

When will this cycle collapse on itself? I desire so deeply to show God’s love and express how merciful and gracious He has been to me, to all. But I find that I am so broken and inadequate and completely unable to do that.

ON MY OWN.

Why did and do I struggle against my own inadequacy? Did I never realize that that’s just how things are? My feelings of inadequacy and imperfection are there because they’re true. I am human–offensive, sinful, broken–and God is God–loving, holy, perfect in love and goodness. Neither of those facts are going to change, no matter how old or wise I think I get.

I confused drawing nearer to God and becoming conformed to His image as becoming more self-sufficient and independent. What a mistake! Of course, I never thought that that was my attitude. But look at my actions. Look at the fruit of my spirit. It wasn’t love, joy, peace, or patience. It especially wasn’t kindness, goodness, gentleness, or self-control.

I could go on like this for pages and pages until whole books were filled. I could say it over and over until my breath was spent.

Yes, I am insufficient on my own. But, wow! God is so great and full of grace. So it’s okay that this post is imperfect, that I’m imperfect. Because, really, all my feelings–all this chatter–comes down to that one immovable truth.

I am human. But, praise His Name forever! God is God.

And He has accepted me and forgiven me for all my imperfections and, one day, He will take me into glory. And He will take as many as will accept this and seek Him. How great is our God! How perfect in love and grace! May I always cry, “Your grace is sufficient for me!”

When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

–Psalm 73:21-28