I have never been one to dodge and weave when it comes to my feelings on dating, marriage, and the opposite sex altogether. While it might serve others to be a little more reserved or allusive, that’s just not my style. There is no need to keep the emotional “walls” when being totally open and upfront serves as something of a tool to weed out those that couldn’t handle my life experiences. At the age of 30, it is becoming more and more commonplace to find myself sitting across the table from a lady with a similar emotional background. Honestly, if you’re 30 and not married or divorced then you will probably fall into the minority in the dating scene.

Which leads me to my point: I have spent the last couple of years dating and finding myself in short-term relationships. I have met a lot of women through the more traditional means (i.e. through friends, family,work) as well as the “new traditional” means (match.com and other various internet sites). I cannot say that any method has been better than another one. Some dates have been good. Some were not so good. And the select few led to something more. The “something more” phase is pretty much the NO MAN’S LAND of NO MAN’S LANDs when you are starting to get serious with someone. In the days of Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter pretty much all of your activity (or inactivity) is open to scrutiny.

This means that if you are starting to date someone regularly via match.com, there is always the catch-22 of being“caught” looking at other profiles or messaging others because it lets others know when you last logged-in. On the same note, the person you are dating would have had to been on there to know that you had been. It has all sorts of ramifications that can be taken a variety of ways, unless you are proactive about it.

I have adopted the 30/30/30 method. Basically it means if you have either been seeing someone for 30 days, exchanged 30+ realistically romantic emails, or spend at least 30 minutes a day on the phone then it is time to stop putting out the feelers. Whether you’re willing to admit it, either you (or your fancy) probably think of the two of you as a couple once you have reached this point. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting some initial boundaries that will act as a verbal contract between two people. It’s a great way for both people to grow the relationship at its own pace and provides a checkpoint to evaluate how things are progressing. Also, if after that watermark is reached, it provides a clean breaking point if the bond doesn’t look to have any real future.

Regardless of how two people are brought together, there is still an inherent need to feel wanted, appreciated, and respected. As we all know, open communication is the basis of most healthy relationships. If we learn to break out of our “don’t say too much, too soon” mold, we can avoid finding ourselves in the dating NO MAN’S LAND. Dating is a wonderful institution and the one proven method of finding that one special significant other that will truly compliment our wants and needs. The landscape of dating continues to change and happiness lies in our ability to change our approach and conduct within it.

Tag: match.com

As far as dating goes, I’ve been a serial loser all my life. I could never get it together. As a result of my recent surge of online dating winks and icebreakers, I managed to get not one, but TWO phone numbers on Wednesday (with one of them that may turn out into an actual date this weekend). For a loser like myself, that’s HUGE.

I’ve been wanting to take it slow after getting my panties in a bunch over Kilo Tango. So I started e-mailing with Juliet on Yahoo! Personals and we exchanged IM names. I’d see her online a few times, but either was too nervous or didn’t have time to start a conversation. Well, I actually did today, we talked that morning she asked what I was doing for the weekend, just random small talk bullshit. She mentioned that she really wanted to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Then during the course of the conversation, I asked if she was going with a bunch of people, she said she was going alone. An alarm went off in my head, this was my in. I sort of snuck in an attempted witty comment if she needed a wingman to go with her to the movies, she said sounds good and I found myself in the weird position of a woman actually responding the way I wanted her to respond. I got her number and said I’d call her near the end of the week.

Number two came about via Match.com. I winked at Alpha Charlie (who just happened to be a Facebook friend of Kilo Tango, though I won’t mention that to her until I have to) and she responded with a wink back and I e-mailed her. I got a response early Wednesday morning and she mentioned if I IM’ed. I responded yes and with my screen name. I got an IM from her that same today and we started going back and forth for the rest of the afternoon and got her number also. So I called Alpha Charlie late, late that night and we must of spoke for more than two hours. What I don’t like about her so far is that she talks WAY too much and doesn’t let you get a word in at all.

Also on Tuesday, I’ve been IM’ing with Kilo Victor from Yahoo! Personals and we’ve agreed to tentatively meet up next weekend (after she gets back from a weekender). I didn’t get her number just yet just so I can take this all in and not screw anything up.

Anyways, I’m very proud of myself this week. We’ll see how this all pans out once I start meeting people.

Blog 365 | day 151

Tag: match.com

While driving home today my wife and I stumbled across a radio commercial that really drew our attention. The advertisement was for an online dating service similar to most of the others seen or heard advertised. This particular service has apparently found an opening in the market of online dating and has wedged itself into a peculiar niche.

The twist? Unlike E-Harmony or other dating services that seek to match up lonely singles, Ashley Madison has its marketed objective as pairing up already dating or married men and women, otherwise known as “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.” While slime-balls in the years past had to flirt with the secretary or make inappropriate advances at the babysitter, men (and women) can now seek infidelity from the comfort of their own computer.

While I admit I am not surprised that such a site exists per se, I admit that I am rather stunned at the apparent visibility such a “business” maintains. The agency is complete with its own media page that boasts a rather large list of mentions from occasionally reputable sources, such as CNN and Dr. Phil. While I’m sure Dr. Phil might portray such a service negatively, mentioning it before such a massive audience can’t do anything but boost publicity. Apparently Ashley Madison agrees that “no publicity is bad publicity.”

While I cannot solely blame such services from existing while there is a demand in a market economy, as certainly the unfaithful play the key role, but have the persons behind this service no souls? Is there not a moment’s consideration given to encouraging a behavior that is damaging to society and can destroy lives of whole families? The answer: a resounding no.

Included in their FAQ is an incredibly demented attempt to justify and excuse just such activity:

Oh really? Is anyone naive enough to think that the facilitation of a service does not make it more prevalent? This would be on par with claiming that liquor stores do not aid in the encouragement of drunkenness. While opinions on the prohibition of alcohol in the US vary, an undeniable fact is that ceasing the mass production of booze did in fact cut down on the practice.

We’re rapidly approaching a world where even maintaining a facade of virtue is unnecessary. Couched as freedom of choice infidelity is claimed righteous. It is frightening the depths of which totally depraved souls can continue to reach.

Tag: eharmony